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Who needs dance lessons when you`ve got alcohol?!
Some of the nicest women you`ll meet on Facebook are men.
I bet some of you would absolutely kill it in a race where you had to jump over obstacles while looking at your phone.
If she can cook like her mother and drink like her father, she`s a keeper.
You know how people dread going to the dentist? I feel that way about getting out of bed.
It isn`t until your kids start talking back that you realize dogs would`ve been a better option.
A married man has 2 options in an argument...he can be right or he can be happy
To stupidity ... And beyond!!
When everything else fails... you always have delusion.
I just blew all my party money on bills again
If a man says you`re ugly, he`s being mean. If a woman says you`re ugly, she`s jealous. If a little kid says you`re ugly, then you`re ugly.
After all these years I finally figured out that that last little piece of soap is more trouble than it`s worth.
One dog was admiring another dog`s leash, and said, "I admire your restraint."
I want the drugs of the first guy who was like "DUDE, let`s carve a face into a pumpkin."
Facebook ~ redefining "friendship" one booby pic at a time. ;)