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Never do I feel as lazy and rude as when someone else in the room is vacuuming.
In my head I sound like the Queen of England bitches!
Im thinking about writing a book about my life, I just have to wait for the statue of limitations to expire.
You say stalker. I say unpaid private investigator.
if I was a bird, I know who I´d poop on first.
Are you guys sure common sense can`t be beaten into people ? Because I`d like to give it try!
My doctor said I’m healthy enough for sex, just not attractive enough.
Its national shave your... Well, tomorrow is valentine`s day. Just an FYI.
The Mrs said she we need a "conversation piece" in the living room. I`m thinking taco cart...
My boyfriend woke up this morning with a huge smile on his face. I love sharpies
As My Wife walked by, she said, "NICE PORN STASH!" which got me all excited and I preceded to show her where I hide the really raunch stuff. She then clarified that she was talking about the ugly hair I`ve been trying to grow above my lip, and now, I have neither... :)
If you`re buying Smart Water for 4$ a bottle,, I`m sorry to tell you it`s not working
My mom told me to follow my dreams. So I took a nap.
My Facebook movie is already in the dollar bin at Walmart.
I just made my first snow angel!! ... Ok fine.. I got bored, got drunk and then passed out in the snow, whatever!