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How to win an argument. 1. Have a vagina. 2. That’s it. 3. You win. 4. Congratulations.
My dog acts like his entire family was murdered by a vacuum cleaner.
I wonder if "Sober Me" knows that "Drunk Me" can Breakdance?
A lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided, if they had built their towns big enough for another person
A walk of shame is always sad. Don`t make it worse by adding the sound of Flip flops to it.
I`ve come to terms with the fact that I will never experience leftover pizza.
I am not cut out for the CIA. All the opposing side would have to do is tickle me and I’d spill all our nation’s secrets.
Funerals are so depressing, when I die I want to be fed to a shark or something cool.
After four centuries, the semicolon has finally achieved it`s true calling: helping people wink online.
If the shoe fits . . . buy one in every color
Today has been cancelled, due to lack of interest.
Facebook is perfect for those people that have never been very good at waiting for their turn to speak.
A female mantis kills the male after sex. That used to seem cruel, but now that I’m married with kids I think the male mantis gets off easy.
I never drink unless I am alone or with somebody.
You`re such a slut, the only reason why you wear panties is to keep your ankles warm.