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I swear I`m allergic to alcohol. Every time I drink I seem to break out in handcuffs.
Still waiting for a Discovery Channel "How It`s Made" episode on babies.
I swear I just go to the strip club for the music.
I need professional help. A chef and a butler will do just fine.
Just think of me as the guy next door. With a telescope.
Don`t know what to get your husband for Christmas? Whatever you give him, give it to him naked. Problem solved
“Grandbrother” sounds much cooler than uncle.
*Australian accent* Notice the wife in her natural habitat shaming the male husband species into doing what she wants!
You know it´s cold outside when during rush hour you get the mitten instead of the finger.
I wish I could afford to have a drinking problem.
I`m sexy and I know it really is....... your slutty and you blow it.
Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.
Why does no one ever talk about where a bear pees?
Women who tell me I have commitment issues have never seen me with a large pizza.
Yesterday my Supervisor asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don`t think you`re supposed call people that any more."