Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The face jewelry is getting out of hand. I saw a guy today that looked like he had done a face plant in a tackle box.
The only time that my wife screams my name in bed is when I break wind in my sleep.
My dad taught me righty tighty, lefty loosie.... that`s why I never dated left handed chicks.
When I want to trim down my friend`s Facebook list I give my opinion and let nature do the rest.
MTV canceled Teen Mom, so it`s like they had those babies for nothing.
Your boyfriend has long hair too. I sometimes have trouble figuring out who the girl is in the relationship.
there`s a fine line between "cocky" and "confidence"...and it just so happens I have perfect balance!
When a woman asks you to guess her age, it`s like deciding whether to cut the blue, red, or green wire to diffuse a bomb.
Funerals are so depressing, when I die I want to be fed to a shark or something cool.
Always look both ways before crossing a woman.
I start a lot of conversations with "goodbye" in hopes that I trick people into thinking we already talked.
99 Days Facebook Free? Big deal! In 1999 I went a whole year without Facebook.
I will never forget the day when she said yes to me because that was the last time we agreed on anything.
Turns out indoor stone throwing is a mistake no matter what your house is made of.
Kissing a sleeping woman in an animated Disney movie is romantic but do it on a bus and the judge doesn`t agree.