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You`re only limited by your own imagination! And money. And talent. And genetics. And time. And other people. Go for it!
How is it that when you are dead and a zombie you can rip open a man`s ribcage, but when you are alive you struggle with a bag of chips?
The part of “no” that I don’t understand is the part where I don’t get what I want.
If it rains on a dream catcher, does that make it a wet dream catcher?
Today is International Women’s Day. It was actually supposed to be held 2 days ago but they took too long to get ready.
If Monday had a face, I´d punch it.
It`s weird how after they couldn`t put Humpty Dumpty back together the King`s men were like "Let`s give the horses a shot at it"
If pigs could fly.. Would I be able to get high on bacon?
I grew up living paycheck to paycheck. But through hard work and perseverance, I now live direct deposit to direct deposit.
Don`t call me names, you don`t know enough words to describe me
Learning how to break wooden boards in karate is important in case you ever get in a fight with a house.
I`m doing a charity gig tonight for people who struggle to achieve orgasm. Don`t worry if you can`t come
I once met a guy who was addicted to huffing brake fluid. He said he could stop any time.
Today’s forecast.. mostly cloudy with a 99.9% chance of alcohol
There`s actually a website designed to simulate what it`s like to be the sole survivor of a nuclear holocaust, it`s called MySpace.