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The best nicknames are the ones people don`t know they have.
It’s called “Karma” and it’s pronounced [hah hah fuhk yoo]!!
you need a license to drive, but anyone can have a kid.
To error is human, to forgive is divine, to keep your damn mouth shut is much appreciated.
Diet plan: make friends fatter
Whenever there is an awkward silence try whispering, "Did you forget your line?"
There should be an energy drink named 6 AM child
Some mornings it`s best just to fill the sink with coffee, dunk you head in, and suck.
"Just Be yourself" is something I rarely hear from people who know me well.
I wish I had the confidence of a male flight attendant
How come no one in a zombie movie has ever seen a zombie movie
wants to rock and roll all night
I went to the missing persons` beurau. No one was there.
The more I know, the more I forget! The more I forget the less I know! The less I know, the less I forget! The less I forget, the more I know!!!
She lost me at, "I don`t watch football."