Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My minivan is always rocking, but it`s usually because I`m trying to smack one of the kids in the backseat while I drive.
I can totally relate to cranky elderly people. I mean you can only be nice for so long!
Does the sleeve tat go with my male pattern baldness and pot belly? Asking for a friend.
Just saw the book "Marriage for Dummies." ... Shouldn`t there be an "is" in there somewhere?
Iron man is a super hero, Iron woman is a command.
Doing some caroling! All by myself. In people`s backyards. In the bushes. Very little singing. Mostly watching. -Bfanch
Mission Impossible: Ordering something at Subway without saying, "ummmm".
I hate it when people rub things in my face... unless it`s two boobs.
Hey,,,, I said I`d be there in 10 minutes... Quit calling me every half hour.
I`ve never done any mistake twice... three, four times may be!
The only reason I keep my land line is for the eventuality that this is The Matrix.
I really don`t know what the big deal is about Black Friday. I black out every Friday....
Apparently, my wife has friend zoned me...
While it was raining today, I thought for fun I would run out there and scream "I`m melting I`m melting!"
What was that idiot thinking when he invented white underwear?