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He died doing what he loved, annoying the hell out of me and not believing I would stab him.
like this if you are against animal cruelty
I retired from being my brothers keeper when I realised that I was letting in goals that wouldn`t have scored if his post was empty
Keep talking; someday you’ll say something intelligent.
The only 2 things that I love and enjoy about being an adult is having sex and drinking alcohol.
"Dora" only rhymes with "Explorer" if you`re from Long Island, New York
I just accidentally opened the door for a Jehovah`s Witness and he took one look at me and just walked away.
Clapping: Repeatedly high-fiving yourself for someone else`s accomplishments.
I`ve had enough of my neighbours blasting their music from their backyard. I`m not annoyed cause it`s so loud, i`m annoyed cause they`re Korean & they`ve still yet to play Gangnam Style!
-buys lottery ticket -fantasizes about winning the lottery -smiles -loses lottery -resumes general hatred for life
AT this stage in my life an ALL NIGHTER JUST means I didn`t have to get up and pee....
Whenever I see a celebrity photobomb, I`m like, that`s so relatable. I too constantly ruin moments and think I`m more fun than I actually am
When people see ghosts, why aren`t they naked? Do clothes die and become ghosts too?
Most of life is waiting for whatever you`re at to be over.
I was discussing with my friend about the popular trends on sex, marriage and values. He says to me, "I didn’t sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?" I replied. "I’m not sure, what was her maiden name?"