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Hey ladies breastfeeding in public,...Why don`t you ever smile in my pictures?
I`ve been waxing my car for twenty years and I still don`t know karate.
Why can’t the shower just naturally keep itself clean?
I ate too much salad over the weekend so I`m going on an Oreo cleanse today.
I want to start a womans magazine called "Period". ..then every few months I`ll send it out late JUST to freak them out. ;)
I can come up with plenty of ways to do nothing.
The other day my son asked me who picks up the seeing eye dog`s poop.
i just peed so hard that I laughed a little bit
How do nudist clean their glasses?
I`m convinced that homeless people have all the shopping carts with 4 good wheels.
If I say sorry I missed you, better look really close the next time you cross the street, I don`t miss twice.
My girlfriend is now mad at me because I didn’t know why she was mad at me.
I`ve accidentally swallowed a load of scrabble pieces.........My next poop could spell trouble.
Football: 22 people on the field desperately in need of rest and 75,000 in the stands desperately in need of exercise.
Women say all men are dogs, but fail to realize that dogs are the most loyal creatures in the world if you treat them right.