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My bank account is more like a countdown to homelessness.
I`m not feeling myself today ... would you do it for me?
I hate it when my fat makes me look fat.
I`d do anything to lose 20lbs. Well, except for eating healthy or working out.
Do whatever you want, and if it`s something you`re going to regret in the morning, sleep late.
Whenever I tell the cashier to ‘keep the change`, it takes everything in my power not to call them a filthy animal.
If my fridge had glass doors I would still stand there and hold the door open.
RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE: 3 fingers behind your phone, your pinky tucked under for support and your scrolling with your thumb! LIKE if I’m right!
Is bloodletting still in use today? Just thinking...I know a couple of people here that may be in need of some bloodletting
One time I threw a boomerang and lost it.. So now I have to live in constant fear.. O_o
She calls it cuddling. I call it strategic body placement for the war of the covers that is about to take place.
I threw a shotgun shell at my daughter`s date. ..then I told him it`s much faster after 11pm
The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. It’s greener where you water it.
Today I caught myself smiling… I was thinking of you… Don’t flatter yourself though, it was because you had a booger in your nose the last time I saw you.
Someone smells like cigarettes and bad decisions.......Oh it`s me? Sorry about that.