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No children were harmed in making this status. Ignored perhaps, but certainly not harmed…
Whenever I lock a car up I always press the button twice in a row to let all nearby thieves know that I mean business.
There is always something to be thankful for. If you can’t pay your bills, you can be thankful you are not one of your creditors.
My father was never proud of me. One day he asked me, "How old are you?" I said, "I`m five." He said, "When I was your age I was six."
People treat New Year’s like some sort of life changing event. If your life sucks today, it’s probably still going to suck tomorrow
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn`t hire stupid people.
Maybe Mondays are not that bad. Maybe its your job that sucks balls.
Oh well, this time isn`t going to procrastinate itself.
Not quite feeling myself today. I`m going to see if booze helps...
Ten seconds of drug commercials are spent telling you what the drug is for and the rest is spent basically daring you to take it.
What is an Amish girls favourite fantasy? Two Mennonite
Remember, you can always run from your problems. Unless your problem is a Cheetah.....then you`re screwed!
When people see ghosts, why aren`t they naked? Do clothes die and become ghosts too?
Your clothes are making me extremely uncomfortable. Please, take them off.
Really, 6 more inches of snow today. My front yard is getting more action than me.