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What is it about paper towels that makes me always want to use more than one?
I know you people are crazy. I can spot my own kind a mile away.
Feeling bored? Go to a clothing store and put "one size fits all" stickers on the bras.
If I died and went straight to hell, it would take me a week to realize I wasn`t at work anymore.
I used to like my neighbours, until they put a password on their Wi-Fi
Once a month, women go completely crazy for about thirty days.
What do women say when they are actually fine?
I am not sure, but I think I just heard my cup of coffee say, "You are my b*tch"
I don`t like it here anymore. As soon as I find my pants, I`m leaving!
It’s a good job Apple isn’t in charge of New Year. We’d all be expecting 2015 and get 2014S instead.
Life is funnier when you have a dirty mind. ;)
Dear penis, thanks for not bleeding once a month. Sincerely, every man ever.
Remember, children. The best way to get a puppy for Christmas is to beg for a baby brother.
I did all I can do. I can´t do no more
I recently added squats to my workouts by moving the beer into the bottom shelf of the fridge.