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Saw a girl with three lip piercings, took everything in my power not to attach a shower curtain
I`ve set my "life goals" to stuff I`ve already done so literally every day now I`m overachieving. It`s all about perspective.
I don`t have friends, I have acquaintances and parasites.
I love therapy sessions because I get to cry for an hour. It usually freaks out my patient, though.
All I`m saying is why blame it on being lazy when you can blame it on being old?
I wish you could Google anything. Like, "Where the f*ck is my remote?" and it would be like, "It`s under the couch dumbass."
I hope I never go to jail because I haven`t memorized a phone number since 2001
Iām not the friend you put on speaker phone.
I once dated a girl with a parrot. The thing was crazy and never shut up! The parrot was cool though.
My friends says that I spend too much time talking to random people online. What do you guys think?
Be careful on how tough you are on your kids....Strict parents create sneaky children.
If a clown farts, does it smell funny?
I don`t let my friends do stupid things... ALONE
Sarcasm is a body`s natural defense against stupid people
Another year has passed. I`ve just about given up on the Mayans.