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The pill is the second best thing women can put in their mouths to prevent pregnancy.
Nothing makes you feel more like a kid than the right breakfast cereal. Lucky Charms for me please!
I`m more confused than a homeless person on house arrest.
Another day, another chance to make someone say, "Oh, now that`s just WRONG"...
I’m quite confident that the reason I’m single is because I didn’t forward that chain letter in 2003.
I wish the Microsoft Paperclip would just pop up when I’m making a questionable decision for my life.
I bet it’s called Almond Milk, because no one would buy Nut Juice.
Punctuality is a waste of time since no one is ever there to appreciate it.
Don`t talk to me like I`m stupid until you know for sure.
I`m high as a kite! Let me rephrase that: I`m stuck in a tree.
I enjoy romantic scrolls up and down your timeline.
Then there was the ex-cop who started his own landscaping business. He called it Lawn Order.
I`m not just living paycheck to paycheck. I`m living from paycheck to change jar to scrap aluminum to liquor store to paycheck.
My opinion of yoga pants varies depending on if I`m at the gym or if I`m at Wal-Mart or at Taco Bell.
“Until death do us part,” means we will all be single in heaven, right?