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Did anyone hear the one about the cross dresser? The happiest day in his life was when he finally got into his girlfriend`s pants.
Apparently when you donate blood, it has to be "YOUR" blood.
You can turn anything into a compliment if you`re delusional enough.
Not sure why my wife is only mad at me, our 4 year old forgot her birthday too.
thinks the voices in my head are out of beer.
"She really does suck!" could be a complement in the porn industry
I made a salad with red wine vinaigrette only I left out the vinegar and the oil and ok it`s just lettuce with wine all over it. Anyhoo, I`m drunk.
So another day has come and gone and I still haven`t used algebra
Unwritten Rule of the Day: Don´t make eye contact while eating a banana.
Screaming out "BOOM PREGNANT!" during sex is never as funny as you think it will be.
If everybody was consistently as determined as they are when they carry all groceries in one trip, this world would be in a better place.
I miss being in a relationship. Could 1 of you girls come over here and yell at me, treat me like shi t and not sleep with me? It might help.
I am Looking for a Bank which can offer me these Two Services..... .Give me a Loan & then Leave me aLone. :)
I’m so old, I can remember going through a whole day without taking a picture of anything.
The other night, I posted on Facebook I was going to sleep shirtless. The next day I logged on and saw 7 mosquitoes "like" this.