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someone took my mood ring away... dont know how i feel about it
Whenever I hear the phrase `anything is possible`, I giggle and think about someone trying to slam a revolving door :)
I couldn’t believe it yesterday, when I came home and was told by my wife that my 5-year-old son wasn’t actually mine. She says that I need to pay more attention when picking him up from school…
I`m not a father, but I have been called "daddy" a few times.
Sticks and stones, break my bones, but hollow points expand on impact!
I guess “Trying to be” isn’t really the answer the doctor was looking for when he asked if I was sexually active.
I`ll bet Amish people look forward to Thanksgiving since it`s the only time their clothes look festive.
Wearing my pajamas to Walmart. I don`t want to attract any attention.
I haven`t talked to my wife in three weeks. I didn`t want to interrupt her.
A slutty girl is like the first slice of bread in a loaf. Everybody touches it but nobody wants it.
I just saw a guy take a bite of Kit Kat bar without breaking it apart first! Sir, we live in a society with rules, please adhere to them.
The only thing I love more than an open mind is an open bar.
Twerking is the crocs of dancing.
I think people who use "go fly a kite" as an insult don`t really understand kites or insults.
"I’m definitely going to do that tomorrow.” — Me being delusional