Daily Silly Status

Financial status: I hope United Airlines drags me off my flight

And then her mood ring just...exploded

My wife’s new cooking show will be called, "Do you smell Something Burning?"

Roses are red vilouts are blue your moms beautiful what happened to you!

The ultimate act of trust is buying your spouse a gun, and then showing them the correct way to use it.

I love a room with a fire place it sets the tone for a romantic night, drinking wine slow dancing, burning evidence.

If I suddenly had the ability to teleport, I’d spend an entire day popping up naked in front of people and asking for John Connor.

Next time I get a bunch of, "likes," on a comment I post on someones status/photo etc.. Im gonna edit my comment and change the whole comment to, "like this status if you would f*ck your father." Just to make anyone else who reads it from then on think ill about the people who liked it. ™

I can`t fall asleep because I am too excited for Christmas

My cats always look at me like I should have planned something for us to do.

BESTFRIEND: the one you can get mad at only for a short period because you have important stuff to tell them.

The average man thinks about sex every tits seconds

is it rude to throw a breath-mint in someone`s mouth while they are talking?

I think some people just log into Facebook just to send me game requests.

Better to be incredibly weird than incredibly boring.