Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You can tell a guy has a woman in his life when he remembers to do stuff like put on deodorant and wipe his butt most of the time!
What I do when I black out is none of my business.
I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it!
My brain is giving me the silent treatment today.
I`d do anything to lose 20lbs. Well, except for eating healthy or working out.
If people rode their spouses like they did their brakes the divorce rate would drop drastically.
A lot of people seem to forget their other four fingers when waving to me.
Try trick or treating in spandex... I`ve seen how much it can hold.
When I ask a girl I like why she and her ex broke up and she says "we just didn`t work out" I already know I have no chance since I hate working out
I`m not opposed to manscaping, but I don`t see the point of cutting the grass until somebody takes interest in the property.
How come they didn`t call this years game the BUD bowl?
If you are the one who stole my computer yesterday, please disregard the folder labeled, "Nature photographs." Thanks.
I`d like to give you a big thumb`s-up. But I`m afraid that would be the wrong finger.
I don`t care if you wear footie pj`s or sleep with a Snuggie. If you swish Listerine in your mouth for the full 30 seconds, you are BADA$$.
"My place is a mess" - Every girl, ever.... "Well in that case, I`m not coming in" - No guy, ever.