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Just put my money where my mouth is. Pennies taste disgusting.
?-- that guy is cute ?
Last night I dreamed I was eating a giant marshmallow. When I woke up in the morning, my pillow was gone...
You health nuts are gonna feel real stupid when you`re laying in the hospital dying of nothing.
Some people see a glass as half empty. Some see a glass as half full. Most need to get a life & do something besides stare at glasses.
I`m a multi-tasking procrastinator. I can put off a bunch of sh!t all at the same time.
Sometimes I feel that I need someone special to complete me, but then I have a pizza and I`m like, "Nope. I`m good."
I bet acting like azzholes on the Internet all day wasn`t where most of us visioned our lives to be right now.
Sometimes I think these Kardashians are just doing stuff for the attention.
Mirrors don`t lie. Lucky for you, they can`t laugh either.
Why don`t you slip into something more comfortable, like a coma
I`m known all over the world for my exaggerations.
Don’t you hate it when spiders bite you and you get like zero superpowers?
What do you mean casual Friday does not mean drink wine and get drunk at work
If zombies ever attack just go to Costco...they have concrete walls...years of foods and supplies...and best of all the zombies can`t get in without a Costco membership card.