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The human soul weights 1.2 lbs. I know this because I weighed myself before and after I got to work.
I had four E`s and LSD last night. Such an awful start to a game of scrabble!!
I`ll be thankful when this thankful month is over.
I´m playing that game where the floor is made of lava, so I obviously can´t get off the couch or I´ll die.
You seem like a sweat person. Mind if I lick you to find out?
Brains are awesome! I wish everyone had one...
If I died and went straight to hell, it would take me more than a week to realize that I`m not at work anymore....
I roasted a turkey today, but I don`t think he got the jokes.
They say that money talks, but mine just waves goodbye.
Staring longingly at the door works for my dog, but I tried it at work and no one let me out. :(
Honk if you want to see my finger.
I can`t help but smile when I see a woman wearing a Supertramp Concert t-shirt
You can always tell if a guy masturbates a lot by looking at his hands. If you look closely, you’ll see a wedding ring.
Losing weight is not working for me, so I`m concentrating on getting taller.
You know you`re drunk when you sit down on the toilet & try to put your seatbelt on