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20 years from now, one of the hardest things our kids will be faced with is finding a screen name which is not already taken!
I`ve always wondered how the job application process at Hooters works. Do they give you a bra and orange shorts and say, "Here, can you fill these both out"?
Burger King is offering delivery service in some areas. I don’t trust it. Everyone knows it’s impossible to drive without eating the fries.
I may have just inadvertently accomplished something.
Sometimes I stand in the shower for 10 minutes before I remember what I`m supposed to be doing. So, yes your secrets are safe with me.
Friends are like snowflakes.... if you pee on them they disappear.
I’m not shy. I’m just holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you.
Fellas.....the girl on the flyer is never at the club
Sometimes, talking to a woman requires a translator.
Before asking a hot chick out, I wish I could first talk to the dude who`s sick of her bullsh!t.
The longest five seconds in anyone’s life is waiting to press the “Skip Ad” button on YouTube.
Immature is just a word boring people use to describe fun people.
Fitness? More like fitness whole cheesecake in my mouth.
I noticed you’re not yourself today. I really like it.
If 3 people have sex, it`s called a 3-some. If 2 people have sex, it`s called a 2-some. I guess we now know why they call you HAND-some.