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I just love having sex with you...Next time I hope you are there with me.
Why go out and pretend to like people when you have Netflix?
The more neighbors I spy on through my binoculars, the creepier I think all my neighbors are!
There is no better indication of how drunk you are than how loudly you declare that you`re not.
One day you will die, but every other day you won’t. So that’s pretty great, right? ... Inspirational posts are hard.
A recent survey of one person reveals that 100% of me thinks I should leave work early.
I dreamed about you last night, and so you know; Shame on you!!
Roses are red, violets are blue, If your parents told you you`re beautiful, they`re lyin to you..:D
I’m hopelessly addicted to placebos ..I’d give them up, but it’d make no difference.
If money cant buy happiness,explain beer!
There is no time like the present for postponing what you ought to be doing.
Sometimes entire relationships can only be described as “that weird thing I did for a while.”
Whoever said time heals all wounds never had their leg bitten off by a shark.
Sometimes I laugh so hard the tears run down my leg ;)
I was discussing with my friend about the popular trends on sex, marriage and values. He says to me, "I didn’t sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?" I replied. "I’m not sure, what was her maiden name?"