Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Look, all I`m saying is, you never see Nikki Manaj and E.T. in the same place at the same time.
New Years Eve. It takes 24,367 bolts to put a car together and only 1 nut to spread it all over the road, please don`t drink and drive and become the nut
Yes Grandma, I`m almost positive Arachnophobia is not the fear of people from Iraq
WARNING: Objects in profile pics are not as pretty as they appear.
Mothers never really understand the irony of calling their children "come here you son of a bitch"
Sometimes I like to lie in bed, stare at the ceiling and think what it would be like to stare at other ceilings.
I once ran a Half Marathon. Well, I say that because it sounds better than saying I collapsed and almost died halfway through a Full Marathon.
My walk of shame is going back for a shopping cart after realizing I can`t carry 23 items in my arms through the store.
You don`t need training to be a street cleaner, you just pick it up as you go along.
I wonder who was the first person to see an egg come out of a chicken`s booty and think..."I`m gonna eat that!"
If you give up smoking, drinking, and sex, you don’t live longer, just seems longer.
If your dog is fat it means that you don`t get enough exercise.
People were shocked when they found I wasn`t a good electrician. :-)
The girl next door looks over at me, then her phone, then makes a disgusted look on her face. I think she`s just found my Facebook account
I don`t like morning people ... Or mornings ... Or people.