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A lot of you lose your sh!t and have some pretty epic, public meltdowns. I just wanted to say thanks.
Now it`s too hot to take down the outdoor Christmas lights.
Keep your marriage fresh by writing each other love notes like "I considered smothering you with a pillow last night but didn`t."
I’ve watched “Aladdin” like 25 times with my kids, so I know quite a bit about politics in the Middle East.
Don`t talk to me about hard times. My dog just licked the last piece of pizza.
Hey dumb a$$. Not everything I post pertains to you. Just the stuff that starts with Hey dumb a$$.
Say no to drugs! Then again, if you`re talking to drugs, you`re probably already on drugs.
It was so cold that when we milk the cows we got ice cream.
I got a free wallet and watch today. It`s like this gun is magic.
Last time I saw jugs that big, 2 hillbillies were blowing on them.
It`s a bad sign when your credit card bill has a comma and your bank statement doesn`t!
Taxes are like a subscription to your country that you can`t cancel, no matter how bad the service gets.
I need something that`s more than coffee but less than cocaine.
Dating Tip: Find a partner with a compatible phone charger.
To help reduce cost, this status was typed in china.