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Since you were smiling when you tazed me, I`m guessing we still have a chance.
Fighting is bad. Breaking up a fight between a douchebag and the bar owner is good. Thank God I`m a ninja.
I got all my Christmas shopping done. Hope everyone likes bunny ears, ornamental grass, and discounted peeps.
I`ve ended up encountering much less porridge than I had expected I would as a child.
It`s weird how we are all here because of boners
According to cannibals it only takes one vegetarian to make vegetarian chili.
Babe, you look Hot! Is your air conditioner broken?
Laziness: the habit of resting before you get tired.
Half the lies they tell about me aren`t true
I don´t like people who can´t make fun of themselves. It just makes more work for me.
I`m looking up in the sky and I have no idea which cloud has all my data
The only thing actually impossible in life is taking a picture for a group of women and having ALL of them like it.
Next time a conspiracy theorist says, "That`s what they want you to think," say, "No, but that`s what they wanted you to tell me."
I just found out that all the people who say "You haven`t changed a bit" have been lying to me. :)
"Hello 911?" "Someone just stole my status on Facebook... yes, I`ll hold."