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You know you are getting old when you see girls from TEEN category moved to MATURE & MILFS.
As an adult, I use nunchucks way less than I expected.
People like you remind me how lucky I am that my cell phone provider has a block option! Just sayin.
This guy keeps asking me to help pet his neglected, one-eyed trouser snake. What a sweet guy! I think he`s a vet. Ladieeees! A doctor!!
That awkward moment when both your knees are bruised, but all you did was gardening
Adulthood is like losing your mom in the grocery store for the rest of your life.
If you stop at a yellow light I`m going to assume you have something illegal in your car.
I will always be here for you. Unless we run out of beer and someone has some over there. Then I will be over there for you.
My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn`t concentrate.
At the end of the day, life should ask us, Do you want to save the changes?
How does Ice-T order an Iced Tea without sounding like a douche?
Sometimes I really want to throw paper at people. Brick shaped Paper. Made of brick.
I`m just going to start wearing a shirt to work that says "I`m good, thanks for asking."
Be the best you can be, while being the worst that you`re able to get away with.
If we sneezed Windex instead of spit I bet my neighbors would be cool with me standing at their window.