Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My minivan is always rocking, but it`s usually because I`m trying to smack one of the kids in the backseat while I drive.
Dear college students, Sorry about your GPA. - Netflix
I can`t believe it`s been a year since I didn`t become a better person....
I don`t want to be bothered with stupid $h!t today. What is stupid $h!t? Anything I don`t want to be bothered with.
If I share my food with you, its either because I love you a lot, or because it fell on the floor and I don`t want it.
Haters gonna hate, your honor
I`m pretty sure my laundry breeds while I sleep.
I was told today to look at my life from a different perspective. I`m lying on the floor now and the shit still looks f*cked up.
Chase you? ... B!tch please, I don`t even chase my liquor.
If you think human beings have evolved a lot. Look at how much Egyptians worshiped cats. Then go look at Facebook for about 10 minutes.
I don`t understand those couples that fight and a minute later change their facebook status to "single." I fight with my parents but you don`t see me change my status to "orphan."
is wondering where noah kept woodpeckers on his ark
COLLEGE STUDENTS: if you`re looking for a job, your career center lists thousands of openings you don`t have enough experience for.
Some days you`re the Titanic, some days you`re the iceberg and some days you`re that guy who hit the propeller on the way down.
Laughing at your mistakes can lengthen your life. Laughing at your wife’s can shorten it