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That awkward moment when you give the same Hallmark card two years in a row.
If you got up this morning and ran straight to fb i am 100% POSITIVE its because you missed me.
Neighbor just yelled at me for playing in his sprinkler. Note to self, I should wear clothes next time.
If a cannibal is late to dinner do they give him the cold shoulder?
Everytime I find the key to happiness, somebody changes the lock.
Someone`s gotta break it to people under 25 that cameras can also point away from themselves.
went to the book store earlier to buy a Where´s Waldo book. When I got there, I couldn´t find the book anywhere. Well played Waldo, well played.
I just saw a man salute the Budweiser truck on the highway. LMAO
Helping my kid study for her geology exam, and apparently `hard` `classic` and `punk` are not the 3 different types of rock.
I just googled "Is there really cowbell in the actual song Don`t Fear the Reaper?" and my first response was, "Go outside and do something."
I did a push-up today. Well, actually I fell down, but had to use my arms to get back up, so close enough. Now I need a beer.
You`re right, you didn`t ask that guy for a d!ck pic, but nobody asked for hundreds of pictures of your face either.
My home security system is just 15 motion-activated Big Mouth Billy Basses.
I’m positive that somewhere out there exists a video montage of me dancing alone in various elevators.
How`d this get posted?