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Women, if you want to strike a bit of fear into your man, just smile really big and ask him, "Notice anything different?"
first show me the benefits and then I`ll decide if we can be friends.
Akward Moment Is When Your Twin Sister Calls You Ugly(:
Those Box Tops that raise money for schools really should be on wine labels and cases of beer.
if I was a bird, I know who I´d poop on first.
I got in touch with my feminine side today... I made myself a sandwich.
"Holy sh!t, that guy eats a lot of pizza" -people that walk by my house on recycling day.
If you don`t remember her name in the morning, take her to Starbucks.
If a group of midgets performed the YMCA song, it is to be considered that they did it in lowercase?
This relationship is going to be weird if you keep pretending I`m not your boyfriend.
Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
People will believe anything if you whisper it.
Whenever somebody said they did something "Like a Boss" I assume that they did nothing but took all the credit for it.
Running behind is my cardio.
My Facebook account would benefit from a breathalyzer-activated password.