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If it’s called tourist season, why can’t you shoot at them?
I might not be a great example, but I´m one hell of a good warning.
I hate crickets in my house.....except for the one I just killed. He seems ok.
I spend 95% of the time out of bed wishing I was back in bed
I would explain it to you again, but I am fresh out of puppets and crayons.
There is no "we" in "bacon", so don`t even ask.
i hate not being able to correct the typo i just made in my previous statues update......DAMN IT! I JUST DID IT AGAIN!
Just stepped outside, closed my eyes, took a deep breathe of fresh air, sipped a Dew. What a perfect morning, what could go wrong? Crap I forgot 2 put pants on!
What happened to all the Sour Patch parents?
I put my phone on Airplane Mode and now I can`t find it...
The only time I proof read is to see how much alcohol comes in a bottle.
None of my coworkers get why I have fishbowl with no fish. It`s because fish can`t survive in my secret reservoir of vodka.
Whoever said "What goes around, comes around", never passed around a bag of Doritos......................
Snails would be terrifying if they moved quickly.
If my week was a YouTube video, Monday would be that crappy ad that it doesn`t let you skip.