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I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
If I told you I loved you, would you believe me or just stand there freaking out about me being in your closet?
My friends are the kind that would flirt with the fireman while my house was burning down.
My friends and I played fantasy football in high-school. No league, we just constantly thought about the cheerleaders.
It`s been close to a million years since I exaggerated about anything.
Working from home and HR already cited me for sexual misconduct.
I told my girlfriend I`m Harry Potter`s Godfather... She laughed hard and said "you can`t be Sirius"
Since it is the day to give thanks, I would like to say once again...you`re welcome.
My decision making skills closely resemble that of a squirrel when crossing the street.
Dear Boyfriend, Your wallet was getting fat so I thought I’d take it out for some exercise. Sincerely, your Girlfriend.
Admit it, we all have that special someone we`d visit if given a tank to drive for a day
Some people walk into your life and leave footprints on your heart. Some people walk into life and make you want to leave footprints on their face
I sent off for some information on my family tree. They sent me back a packet of seeds and suggested it would be in my best interest that I just start over.
It`s always the rednecks that know all the inner most conspiracies of the government.
You can’t please everyone, so you might as well just concentrate on me.