Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Sex with human, ok. Sex with cow, not ok. Grabbing cow titty, ok. Grabbing Karen in accounting`s titty, not ok. Apparently.
All the coffee in Colombia couldn`t make me a morning person.
Just once Iād like to see someone dropkick the guy grinning and waving behind the news reporter.
you know what sucks about being a "chubby guy"....when your girlfriend wants to play with YOUR boobs :)
A cool thing about being in a relationship is that when you make a mistake you get to hear about it over and over.
There is no peer pressure like washing your hands because someone else walked into the bathroom.
Most days the best thing about my job is that my chair spins
Mom: Clean your room. We`re having guests over for dinner. Me: I didn`t realize that dinner will be held in my room.
Okay kids don`t ever talk to strangers or take candy from strangers or go to stranger`s houses except on the day we worship the devil.
My dream job would be the Karma delivery service.
I need a fixed income. Mine is broken.
Kim and Kanye have been married WAY longer then I expected.
My doctor said I need to drink more water every day, so I have started putting ice cubes in my vodka.
I`ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.!!
Words of Wisdom: Don`t cover your mouth when you sneeze. You`ll get snot and stuff all over your hands