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I always read my wife`s Horoscope to see what kind of day I`M going to have...!!
It`s not so much blowing my diet as preventing the fudgesicles from developing freezer burn.
So if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the “Jags” and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the “Bucs,” what does that make the Tennessee Titans?
loves infomercials, but claiming that a product promotes weight loss when combined with diet and exercise is like claiming it grants wishes when used with a leprechaun.
Every parent’s superpower is the ability to communicate “I love you!” and “I will kill you!” with a single look.
I have officially bought the first batch of Halloween candies that will not make it to Halloween.
I’m on that new diet where you eat everything and hope for a miracle!
Forget resolutions, Imma just say from now on... TGIS "Thank God I Survived" ! :)
My fridge is so full of beer ... I`m going to have to drink my way back to the food or starve.
Every have one of those moments where you look at yourself in the mirror and think "Damn if I weren`t me, I`d totally hit that."
Just how hairy was the dude who invented a shampoo called Head & Shoulders?
I may be crazy but I say if you can`t talk to yourself, who can you talk to.
The push-up bra: the strangely acceptable female equivalent of a rolled up sock stuffed in men`s underwear.
I`m done with tucking in shirts. Too many people complaining I`m invading their "personal space." LOL
Parenting gets a lot harder when you can no longer say "I`m calling Santa!"