Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I do all of my ironing in the dryer.
Saw a midget go into a store while wearing a KKK outfit and thought... That`s a little racist.
I need to unbutton my pants just thinking about how much Iām going to eat this week.
Halloween is my favorite holiday where you can trespass on a stranger`s property and make a non-negotiable demand.
WOW! This gym thing is a lot harder than it looked on Instagram.
I just saw a guy with the Monster energy logo tattooed on his neck, so if your village is missing their idiot, we have him.
I would gladly believe in a religion that gives me free pizza and says people who squeeze the toothpaste tube from the center go to hell.
If I look tired at the end of the day, it`s because I just spent eight solid hours looking busy.
If my memory gets any worse I`ll be able to plan my own surprise party.
Every so often, I try to fornicate a large word into conversation, even if Iām not sure what it means
The same people that made fun of me for my calculator watch in high school are now wearing Apple watches.
Have you ever wondered if Dora is smuggling drugs in her backpack?
Fun fact: Deciding where to eat is the leading cause of divorce
My wife told me I have to quit playing poker all the time but I think she`s bluffing...
Folgers got it wrong. The best part of waking up is going back to bed after you pee.