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If the interviewer asks where you see yourself in 5 years. Standing naked on top of a fire truck does not appear to be the correct answer
I learn from the mistakes of people who took my advice.
I hope these bad jokes distract you from the fact you`re getting screwed. - Car insurance commercials
Four out of five voices in my head are saying this is gonna´ be a great day.
Parts of a worm: 1) Worm
You`re never too old to learn stupid sh!t
If video games have taught me anything, it`s that you`ll automatically get promoted if you kill your boss.
I can`t tell if I`m really nice but secretly an a$$hole or an a$$hole but secretly really nice.
My theory: Every squirrel you see is currently on a dare from another squirrel
I love that little thing that you do...You know, the one where you leave.
If you want funny, get off Facebook and watch the news...
I don`t mean to brag... but I`m a pretty damn good peek-a-boo opponent
“Nothing is impossible.” I disagree. I’m doing nothing right now… it’s totally possible.
My biggest problem is that I believe almost everything I tell myself.
Hoping to get "till death do us part" reduced to a 15 year sentence and time served.