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Ended a relationship today. Don`t worry, it wasn`t mine.
Shouldn`t there have been at least one scene in The Karate Kid where Daniel`s mom was like "Why are you constantly in that old man`s shed?"
I may or may not have just tried unlocking the wrong car for 15 minutes.
Was asked what I look for in a relationship. Apparently, "A way out" wasn`t the right answer...
That moment when you put your pants on, take a few steps, and feel something crawling down your leg! You grab it on the outside so it doesn`t crawl any further....and then you sigh in relief and thank God the dryer sheet doesn`t bite!
I like to log into facebook and leave a status just to show I`m here. Or am I?
That`s disgusting! (unless you`re up for it?)
With great power comes great electricity bill.
I`d publish my autobiography but it`s just a bunch of liquor stained pages filled with doodles, and rants about stupid people.
Fact: Turtles can breathe through their butts. And I thought I had bad morning breath.
Facebook should have a limit on times you can change your relationship status... After 3 it should default to "Unstable"
If buying new underwear is evidence of an affair, my husband has been faithful for at least nine years.
Frozen water balloon fights... not a good idea.
This day needs more yesterday.
So I danced like no one was watching. My court date is pending.