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The best neighbors are the ones you never see.
Does it count as saving someone`s life if you just refrain from killing them?
Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot them?
Ahhhh, bad credit…the best identity theft protection.
People all around the world are out doing interesting and productive things right now. You are reading this.
Your mobile phone has more computing power than all of NASA in 1969. NASA launched a man to the moon. ...We launch a bird into pigs!
I tried my best to see things from your point a view, but your point of view is stupid.
I made a huge TO DO list for this weekend. I just can`t figure out who`s going to do it.
Surgery is just stabbing someone to life.
I could really go for a vegetable sandwich! Maybe some tomatoes, some spinach, cucumbers... With cheese. And a hamburger patty. And bacon. Ok I really want a bacon cheeseburger.
The girl next door looks over at me, then her phone, then makes a disgusted look on her face. I think she`s just found my Facebook account
Ive been invited to farmville! Now what to wear...
At what number beer are you offically not working from home anymore?
How’s your day going? Here’s a good way to tell: Is it “already” 2:00pm or “only” 2:00pm?
I really think my life would be a lot better if my fitness app would just lower its standards