Daily Silly Status

I suffer from paranoid-schizophrenic indifference. I really don`t care what the voices in my head are saying behind my back.

Karate is just a violent way of making people smell your feet.

At church they said the number of the beast is 666, but I stood up and said that`s not my wifes phone number.

Checklist: Poke People ? Delete People ? Block People ? Send Friend Requests ? Accept Friend Requests ? Ignore Chats ? Make Stupid Photoshop Pics With My Face ?....Morning chores all done.

Babe, you look Hot! Is your air conditioner broken?

I`ve never said "in all seriousness" and actually meant it.

I hate when people see me at the store and are like "Hey, what are you doing?" I`m like "Oh you know, hunting elephants."

If we could master the look dogs have when we’re eating in front of them, we’d be able to have sex with any woman at will.

Why is it that people who can eat really spicy food think the rest of us give a sh!t?

I got 99 problems but a least my name aint North West.

Sometimes I can’t remember what parking lot I left my car in at the mall so I get it Malaysia Airlines…I totally get it.

I always try to learn from the mistakes of other people..... who have taken my advice

That awkward moment when the woman your dancing behind bends over so you can grind it, and you realize she`s just lost an earring and nobody in Starbucks can hear your iPod...

When I was younger my dad showed me pictures of why to wear condoms during sex. The funny thing is, they were all pictures of me.

This book on marriage says treat your wife like you treated her on the first date, so after dinner tonight I am dropping her off at her parents` house