Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Do you ever wish you were a monkey? Then if you got mad at someone, you could just fling your poo at them. Problem solved.
I like the part of the day when food happens.
At church they said the number of the beast is 666, but I stood up and said that`s not my wifes phone number.
Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes and lottery tickets, are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?
If you don`t have anything nice to say, say it anyway, `cause it might be really really funny.
Parallel lines have so much in common, it`s a shame they`ll never meet
If you have a parrot and you don’t teach it to say,”Help, they’ve turned me into a parrot” ...you`re wasting everybody’s time.
The bed is always the comfiest right at the time you are supposed to be getting out of it
I always thought a chickpea was just when girls go to the bathroom in groups.
A colon is used to indicate a list of elements to the sentence preceding it. A semicolon is for making winky faces.
We Should Have A Way Of Telling People Their Breath Stinks Without Hurting Their Feelings. Like: "I`m bored, let`s go brush our teeth"
Working on my 32 point plan to be more spontaneous. Any suggestions?
Sometimes it takes me a full 8 hours to get nothing done.
Before bed, my Dad would always say, "OK son, time to hit the sack." Not sure how me punching him in the balls helped him sleep, but hey, that’s my Dad for ya.
Anyone else find it odd that on Star Trek, when they "boldly go where no one has gone before" they always end up meeting someone?