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I`m not sure if I actually have free time or there are things I`m forgetting to do.
The moment you stop giving a damn is the moment things get easier and better.
Is it called NASCAR because that’s the way a hillbilly pronounces “nice car?”
When in doubt, just do the opposite of whatever the person wearing pajamas in public is doing.
Hell is an endless cycle of getting comfortable in bed & then suddenly having to pee.
The best way to deal with dumb people is to never leave your house sober
The monent of triumph when your bag is the first off the plane.
Our sex was so good, the neighbors smoked after we finished.
Peppermint Schnapps, the mouthwash you can swallow
I hope all your dreams come true, especially that one where you`re being chased by a giant spider.
Is it just me, or is Fantasy Football basically Dungeons & Dragons for jocks?
Facebook, the lost and found for people. . .
I just watched my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes and thought, "Wow, dogs are easily entertained." Then I realized I just watched my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes.
Did you guys know that turning up the radio fixes almost all your car problems?! Crazy.
Hold on I`m about to count my money. Alright I`m done.