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I don`t know why you put your boat in Sh!t Creek to begin with.
I want a doorbell that makes the sound of someone knocking on the door.
The problem with some people is that they`re breathing.
At the young age of 5, a bear told me that I am the only person who can prevent forest fires. Why I was chosen, I`ll never know.
According to my neighbor`s rooster, it`s 5am now. Also according to my neighbor`s rooster, we`re having fried chicken for dinner tomorrow.
LIKE if you talk to yourself and laugh because you’re just that hilarious.
I did not mean to hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I just figured you already knew.
Wind chimes? I can`t see myself saying, its too quiet, you know what`d be nice? Noise.
I enjoy a glass of Wine each night for it`s health benefits! The rest of the bottle is for my flawless dance moves, and to make you look more appealling!
Of all the things life has given to me... I would like to return 20 lbs.
if it has tits or tires sooner or later it will give you problems.
Saw a brand new Prius totaled on my way home from work. Still had the window sticker. That would suck... Not to crash, but to drive a Prius.
Life is to short ... to waste time matching socks.
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
I put the whiskey in another room ... Exercise regimen established.