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It`s called "Biscotti" because nobody would buy "chocolate covered croutons".
I`ll be taking my time and yours,, thank you....... -- all 80 yr. old drivers
Sticks and stones may break your bones. Also good: lead pipes.
My girlfriend and I have an open relationship and will continue to do so right up until she finds out.
My phone battery lasts longer than relationships these days
I just don’t want to look back and think “I could’ve eaten that.”
I saw a fat lady with a "M.O.B." tattoo on her arm. I asked "money over B*tches?" She said "No, McDonalds over Burger King.
You know you`re getting old when one huge fart throws out your back.
If you love someone , let them go. If they dont come back, call them up later when your drunk and see wtf is going on.
Just seen a homeless dude with a sign that said “too ugly to prostitute”
I don`t think the lady who just shushed a baby in the library knows how babies work
I`d like to thank my exs for encouraging me to learn about cars. Like how to cut the break lines, hoses, or discreetly slash a tire.
With names like "Batman" and "Robin", you`d think they could fly...
There are two types of people in this world, those with common sense and those who have to pee on the electric fence for themselves
There are no absolutes in this world. Except vodka.