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My doctor told me to stop drinking...Then he told me to stop laughing.
Cubic Zirconium`s slogan should be: Guys can fake it too!
That moment when you offer somebody a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she`s not your friend anymore
Sorry to all my friends and family members who didn`t know I was a freak until they saw my likes and shares on Facebook.
what is the difference between a Fly and a mosquito? ``A fly can fly, But a Mosquito can`t mosquito``
My favorite breed of dog? Good question, thanks for asking. Either a corndog or a hotdog.
My version of flirting is looking at someone attractive multiple times while hoping they are more brave than I am.
Smiling gives you wrinkles. Resting bitch face keeps you pretty.
My motto is "Never say never." Which makes it difficult to tell people my motto...
I have said it before. I will at it again. If anyone is into wife swapping. I will take a dirtbike or a puppy. Hit me up.
I’m home alone. Time to start my concert.
Here’s a joke for all you mind readers out there…
People who think only God can judge them have obviously never met my mother-in-law.
I always assume anyone sitting alone in a car in the dark corner of a grocery store parking lot is waiting to meet a hitman who is running late.
Arm wrestling is DEFINITELY the manliest sport where Two dudes hold hands...