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She might be ugly now, but wait a few more drinks.
I got on-line to check the weather...That was 12 years ago.
I love my car. Without it, I would not be where I am today.
A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means that I dropped them on the way from the dryer
Kicking a man while he’s down burns 150 calories.
I`m starting to get that "f*ck it" attitude about everything..
Just so you know, I am already planning on being an a$$hole tomorrow.
I`ve just realised that I`ve got one of those cool body types that can eat whatever I want and get fat.
9 out of 10 times, if you call the 1-800 number printed on a consumer product, the person who answers won`t tell you what they`re wearing.
Hard liquor because I don`t don`t have time or patience to sit around drinking 9 bottles of wine every day
They say laughter is the best medicine... found out that`s not true for treating diarrhea.
Home alone… Time to teach the neighbors what good music sounds like!
The older I get the better I used to be.
Anyone know how much snow is too much snow not to go to the liquor store?