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Have you heard about the new movie called constipation? It hasn`t come out yet.
I`m not a doctor but I play one on Match.com
I`m in the awkward time period between not wanting to have pants on, and having to wait for the pizza guy right now...
You know it`s a good night when you wake up with gum in your bellybutton.
I`m sorry call me old fashioned,but i think your shorts should be longer than your vagina...
I think the guy who invented the word kumquats should have gotten to name more stuff!
One day, I`m gonna wait for the Wal-Mart greeter to go on a bathroom break, step in their place, and begin welcoming everyone to K-mart.
I`ve just released my own fragrance...No one on the bus seems to like it though.
I`m easily influenced... That`s why I try not to watch too much porn
Law enforcement`s cracking down on texting while driving, but there`s no law against standing up and playing saxophone through your sunroof.
Overwhelming scientific evidence suggests a startling number of people are capable of ignoring overwhelming scientific evidence.
When I see something funny on the internet, I don’t usually laugh. I just blow more air out of my nose than usual.
One of us spends too much time on Facebook.
Facebook: Cause why drunk dial one person when you can drunk post the world?
If you weren`t supposed to eat 15 Oreos in one sitting, they wouldn`t package them in rows of 15.