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I may look like I`m doing nothing, but in my head I`m quite busy.
Love is when the guy who stocks the liquor knows your name.
If anyone tells you that you drink to much on the weekends. Stop talking to them...you don`t need that kind of negativity in your life
I`ve polished the mirror in the bathroom so much, you can see your face in it.
"I guess you`re right." - No one on the internet ever
Please do not read this.
I`m already getting into the Thanksgiving spirit, I`ve given the bird to lots of people today.
The fastest way to get someone to call you back is to take a shower.
Girlfriend said she felt she looked fat, tired, and ugly. Said she needed a compliment. I told her that her eyesight was nearly flawless.
I hate in video games how penguins always use their ability to slide on their stomachs for evil
Fantasy football is just Dungeons and Dragons for the people who used to beat up the people who played Dungeons and Dragons.
My girlfriend asked me to send some dirty pics. So I sent her a picture of my sink full of dishes. :)
Every day is a constant battle of trying to convince myself I don’t like cookies.
The easiest way for me to lose inches is to switch to the metric system.
How many servings of fruit are in a fruit roll up? I`m trying to take my diet seriously now.