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There is no better sunscreen than sitting inside a bar.
I always see more people walking into Sam`s Club than out of Sam`s Club, but the meat`s cheap, so I don`t ask questions.
Dating someone solely on their looks is shallow. Consider other things such as how much money they have.
If I have ten pieces of bacon and you take five pieces, what do you have? Thats right., A black eye and a broken hand!
These peopele at the gym are looking at me like they expect me to share my donuts ... SMH
Studies show that people with high sex drives also tend to be very forgetful. Did I tell you guys that already?
PRO TIP: If you see a woman crying, never ask if its because of her hair.
I`m just a boy...standing in front of a girl...asking her to lov.....aw who am I trying to fool. I just want in your pants.
Girl:How do u feel? Boy:With your hands
I don`t trust stairs. They always look like they`re up to something.
"Wish You Were Beer!" Wait...no...that`s right...send.
Thinking " What would happen if the whole world farted at once and a person lit a lighter?"
If you can read this, you`re not having sex either.
October is breasts cancer month. I stare because I care.
You haven’t truly won an argument until the other person says “whatever.”