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You know what tastes better than one taco? Two tacos!
I´ll never be old enough to know better.
What is the difference between a Snow-man & a Snow-lady? Snowballs!
My doctor told me to eat more Taco Bell, well he actually told me to eat "less McDonalds" but I`m pretty sure I know what he meant.
Lesson Learned: I poured bleach on the asshole that cut me off at the self-checkout. According to the cop, I misunderstood asshole bleaching.
I’m starting to think that some of you are misspelling words on porpoise.
Apparently this dude at the mall was just tying his shoe and did NOT want to play leap frog. My bad, dude. My bad.
Whoever said "sticks and stones may break your bones but words will never hurt you" has obviously never been hit with a dictionary.
If my body is ever found dead on a jogging trail, just know I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there.
Don`t Follow Me, I`m Lost Too
Was up all night wondering, why do people compliment me for having all my sh!t together & yet still insult me for being full of it?
Good friends don’t let you do dumb things… alone.
I really would love to see two mimes arguing
A friend like you is worth a million dollars. So, if you don’t mind…can I sell you?
if you don`t have anything nice to say, come sit by me, and we can make fun of people together.