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Easy way to kill me: Dangle a spider from my rearview mirror while I`m driving.
The object of golf.... is to play the least amount of golf.
The only dates I get are updates.
My theory on housework is, if the item doesn´t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be.
If your talking behind my back then guess what? Your in a pretty good position to kiss my a$$!!!!
Every once in a while someone really special walks into your life. That person is usually delivering a pizza
My hair looks amazing today. I hope I see everybody I hate.
If you see me laughing like a crazy person, think nothing of it ..it`s just the voices in my head telling me jokes!
I wish Facebook wasn`t the only place I could block people from my life.
If cartoons can wear the same clothes everyday then so can I, dammit!
I get paid to be nice at work. Not sure why my family and friends expect that for free.
I repaired my blow up doll with superglue.....that was an awkward trip to the emergency room (<>..<>)
Don’t judge me because I only have $4 in my pocket. Judge me because I stole it off my daughter’s night stand.
Alice in Wonderland taught me to drink things that I`m unsure of
Went to Walmart yesterday and bought me a new toilet brush, I think I am gonna go back to using paper, it is much more gentle on the netherlands........