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wondering if today is a good day to implement my plan...
You can`t find happiness at the bottom of a beer ... Well no kidding, who is happy when their beer runs out.
How did the person who invented the first clock know what time it was?
Some of you take selfies from so close up, I`m beginning to wonder if you`re a T-Rex.
Scientists are dumb. A meteor didn`t kill the dinosaurs. I`ve been to the museum. It`s obvious they starved to death.
Dear New Years Resolutions People; You don`t have to wait for the New Year to get your sh*t together and become a better person.
I have the rest of my life to be an adult.
It`s all good and well until the fecal matter impacts the electric powered air current generation device.....
Guys write songs about girls they love. Girls write songs about guys they have broken up with
Don’t be upset that you’re single; be happy that someone isn’t ruining your life.
My favorite beer is an open one.
One of the best uses I`ve ever found for invisible ink is when I signed my marriage license with it.
Everything is legal when the cops aren`t around.
If you want to give me dirty looks for being at the liquor store at 9am, don`t be open.
Currently training for when they inevitably make drinking an Olympic sport.