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My level of sarcasm is to the point where I don`t even know if I`m kidding or not.
"It seemed like a good idea at the time"............................... An often used phrase in a lot of my memories.
If you can`t think of a word, say "I forget the English word for it". That way people will think you`re bilingual instead of an idiot.
A comprehensive list of the things women have taught me: 1) I`m wrong.
is deep in thought . . . if only i could remember what i was thinking about
There comes a time in the day, when no matter what the question, the answer is booze.
I have to hand it to people who lead a double life ... I can barely handle the one I have.
i was sooo funny i cracked me off.......
Most people don’t act stupid – it’s the real thing.
When I get bored I go to a car dealership and ask the salesman to lay in the trunk so I can "see how many I`ll be able to fit"
Women use sex to get stuff, men lose stuff because of sex.
My nickname at work is "HR wants to see you"
YOU ARE NOT THE BOSS OF ME is not a good thing to say to your boss.
I hate it when I open Facebook and miss a week of work.
Every time I almost think humanity will be okay, I see someone struggle with the self-checkout for 20 minutes.