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Does lying face down on this carpet make me look unsociable?
I don’t like being told what to do…unless I’m naked.
Ha = I didn`t find that funny. Haha = That was funny. Hahahahaha = I want to sleep with you.
Why do men fart more than women? Because women can`t shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
Yes officer, the person who robbed me was a woman 25-30, at least 5`9, a brunette and definitely single. Can you arrange a line up please
You know its bad when you feel like your life is being directed by Quentin Tarantino.
WARNING: Objects in profile pics are not as pretty as they appear.
Hey! Wanna make $$$$$$ fast? Just follow my simple instructions. 1:Hold down the Shift key 2:Press the number 4 six times. It’s that easy.
Never compliment a woman on her sideburns ... no matter how magnificent they look.
People say that 60 is the new 40. The cop who pulled me over didn`t agree.
Seth Rogen and James Franco having their movie pulled due to terrorist threats sounds like the plot of a Seth Rogen and James Franco movie.
Remember when teachers asked to lie quietly with your head on your desk? My boss has yet to be impressed with this skill.
You can never really say `what`s on your mind` when you have family members on your Facebook.
I`m not saying you`re an idiot. I`m just saying that....Umm how do I word this?? I guess I am saying your`e an idiot.
People are like snowflakes. If you piss on them they go away.