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Big shout out to all the spiders not building their webs at face level.
Sorry I referred to your baby shower as a gift extortion party.
Just once I would like to read a warning label that says "May cause permanent weight loss, remove wrinkles, and increase energy."
Some marriages end up fine, the others last forever.
lol I rotfl
says if you don`t like the way I live my life, than there is some good news... you aren`t me!!
Why isn’t our beer color coordinated for all holiday occasions, instead of just St. Patricks Day?
Some people have to learn lessons the hard way. Like with a bat. A bat is hard.
Can I have a free unlimited day trial of being attractive?
so apparently there is no such thing as a St Patrick`s Santa and I`m not sure whose lap I just sat on at the mall.
I bought a huge plastic Christmas tree today! the shop assistant asked me if I was going to put it up myself? I told him "Don`t be stupid, i`m gonna put it in the lounge room"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend.......who`s in with me?
I AM doing something with my life. It’s called screwing around.
When I have a yard sale I play the theme song to Sanford & Son with a boombox on my porch.
Congratulations on becoming a homeowner! From now on, every noise you hear will cost you money.